Secrets
by EuphoriaLily
Summary: Malec finds out Alec did something not easily forgivable.


**SORRY! I fucked up and posted it twice! Sorry for any inconvenience.**

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**OK, I know I suck at writing awkward fics. And I can't let a fic end bad. I just can't, I can't do that to my babies. So I hope you bare with me and like it. ****This was requested by ****_Anonymous _****on Tumblr.**

******PS If you have any prompts you'd like me to write, please message me or put it with the review, and I'll add it to the list ;) I like writing them so much!**

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Magnus slammed the door shut as he entered, making the glass windows in his entire house shake dangerously, as his blood was boiling and his heart beating in his ears. He didn't understand one thing about what he had just witnessed and frankly, he didn't want to understand. He was so done.

Chairman Meow jumped up on the couch in front of him, just as he wanted to throw himself on top of it angrily. He jumped sideways just in time and hit his knee against the coffee table hard, forcing a string of words out of his throat that nobody but Dutchmen would ever understand.

_How_ could Alec do this? It wasn't even comprehensible, it didn't make a lick of sense. Magnus picked up a cup from the kitchen to make himself some tea, reconsidered and shattered it against the wall on the other side of the living room. The crash did nothing to alleviate the pain inside his chest; it felt as if his heart was eating its way out of his chest.

_God_damn_it, Alec_**_!_**This is way he used to hate the Lightwoods. They almost always disappointed. Magnus thought Alec and his sister were different. Kinder. But surprise, surprise, they were not. He should have know, he should've goddamned known! Ugh, _Lightwoods_. Never. Never again, he would never fall for their tricks again.

Someone knocked on the door hard and Magnus threw another cup, this time at the door. "_By the Angel, Magnus_!" It was Alec, Magnus recognized that voice immediately, his heart speading up as he did.. Why did this Lightwood-boy make Magnus's heart beat so fast? It wasn't the way Magnus handles situations. It wasn't the way the High Warlock of Brooklyn handled himself. He didn't _fall_ in love. He spend time with someone, they died (or some left), he moved on. That's it. He didn't fall in love.

"_Leave_!" Magnus yelled at the door, running into the bathroom and preparing a cold shower.

"Magnus, please let me talk to you!"

"There's nothing you can say!" Magnus yelled again, slamming the bathroom door closed, before unbuttoning his button up shirt. His fingers were shaking with anger, and the buttons weren't responding to his harsh treatment as well as they should. In a wave of anger, he tore the shirt off him, and then leaned his hands on the sink, staring at himself in the mirror.

He was a mess. His eyes were blood-shot, his normally perfect hair had backfired and framed his face in limp strands. He hated that a _boy_ could do this to him. A _Shadowhunter_ boy no less.

The bathroom door flew open, and Magnus whirled around. Alec was in the doorway, breathing heavily, his blue eyes wide and panicked. Another wave of anger surged through him. "ARE YOU INSANE?" Magnus bellowed, taking a dangerous step forward. "_This is breaking and entering,_ _**Lightwood!**_"

Alec flinched, but didn't back down, and stayed in the doorway, putting his Steele back in his pocket. _He had used __**runes **_to open the doors? The Shadowhunter-_asshole_! "Not before we talk."

"_Talk_? No, you don't get to talk, you get to listen, since you broke in anyway!" Magnus turned around seething looking at his horrible mirror image, trying to ignore the Lightwood-boy behind him. "How could you, Alec?" he whispered, his anger suddenly gone and only exhaustion remained. "How could you do that to me?"

"I'm sorry." Alec whispered. His blue eyes were sad, and for a moment Magnus felt sorry for him. "I really am."

"That's not gonna cut it, Alexander." he said, coldly. "Not this time."

Alec flinched. "Please, Magnus. Let me explain."

"Oh, you want to explain, do you?" Magnus spat, closing his eyes and leaning heavily against the sink. He didn't think his legs would hold him for much longer. The treachery of the young man standing behind him was too much. "You want to explain to me why you cheated on me? Why you were kissing…someone else?" Not just _someone_. The biggest betrayal he could imagine.

"I didn't cheat on you, Magnus!" Alec said indignant.

Magnus's eyes flew open. "You didn't cheat on me? How would you like to call it then, _Lightwood_?" He saw hurt and pain evident in the boy's eyes, and it nearly undid him. Nearly.

"Confusion."

Magnus burst out in laughter, the cold, harsh kind, the kind he had _never_ used on Alec before. "_Confusion_? Oh, that makes it all better, _Nephilim_." For the first time, the word didn't come out as a caress, but as an insult, meant to hurt. And it did. Another flash of hurt went through his eyes, and Magnus felt sorry again.

"If you allow me to explain…!" yelled Alexander suddenly, surprising Magnus.

"Please do. Maybe there is still something you can do to save your ass."

"Stop!" Alec shouted, and in a flash he was in front of the Warlock, pushing him against the sink with all the force he had in his body, making Magnus gasp with pain and…_arousal_. "Just stop being an ass for two seconds and let me explain!" They were close, impossibly close, their breaths mingled as they stared at each other, Alec's hands wrapped around Magnus's wrists, pinning him to the sink behind him. Magnus's heart was doing exactly what it shouldn't do; pounding out of his chest.

"Okay." he conceited softly.

Alec didn't move away, but stayed there, his body pressed against the Warlock's, making this as uncomfortable as possible for the both of them. "I am sorry, Magnus. I should've never done that. But I _was_ confused. So terribly confused."

"Confused about what?" Magnus tried so hard to make his voice sound angry, but he couldn't. Alec looked so vulnerable.

"You, me, _us_." Alec shook his head. "I hadn't seen you in weeks, and I couldn't believe how much I missed you. It drove me crazy. After the final Clave sessions, just hours before I was allowed to return home, to _you,_ some of the older Clave members planted a seed of doubt. _'You're just eighteen, nobody knows who or what they want at eighteen.' 'Just take your time, you'll get over this phase and then marry a good wife.'_ At first I refused to believe it. Because I loved you. But the more they talked about it, the more it started to make sense in my head. I _was_ eighteen. How could I possibly know what I wanted at that age? Barely a grown-up." Alec shook his head again, and his Adam's apple moved when he swallowed hard.

Magnus stared at him, forcing himself to stay quiet, but Alec was making that rather hard. How _dare_ Clave members mess around with _his_ Shadowhunter's head? Only _he_ was allowed to do that! And yet, this still didn't explain why he'd been kissing… "So that's why? Some old hag planted a seed of doubt so that's why you kissed…a girl?"

Alec closed his eyes and leaned forward, surprising Magnus completely by laying his head against the Warlock's chest. "When you say it like this, it sounds so stupid and horrible."

"That's because it _is_. I could've understood if it was another man, but a _woman_? That's not you. I may have spend my life with men and women alike, but you aren't like that. I know you, Alexander."

Alec squeezed his eyes shut against Magnus's chest, and Magnus fought the urge to wrap his arms around the Shadowhunter. First the truth, then maybe comfort after. "The truth is that I was so confused that I let a woman get to me. She was young, barely eighteen, and she saw me the way young girls see Jace. I thought…I don't even know what I thought. I wanted to check if I really was sure of who I was."

Magnus stared down at the young Shadowhunter against his chest. He was _experimenting_? "Alec…"

"No, please, you're right, I fucked up. I kissed her to see if that _maybe_ they were right. That _maybe_ it was just a phase, maybe I could get accepted in the world I grew up in. The moment I kissed her, it just felt wrong. All I could think about is who I really wanted to kiss. _You_. But you only saw that I kissed her. And I am so sorry. I am so so sorry."

Magnus felt the Shadowhunter tremble against his chest, and his heart broke a little.

But he finally understood. "Alec, what you did, it isn't right. But I understand why. I may be eight hundred years old, but I remember what it's like to grow up." His arms snaked around the trembling body of the Shadowhunter. "I forgive you, Alexander Lightwood." he whispered, and he felt Alec relax against him relieved.

"You shouldn't. What I did was horrible and wrong, and I shouldn't have doubted you, myself and us."

"No. You definitely should not have done that." Magnus pushed him away softly, looking at him. Alec's blue eyes were still a bit wet, but there was a shine that Magnus recognized as relief. "Have a little faith in yourself, Alexander. You know what's best for you. Don't let a couple of old hags get you down."

"I feel terrible. You should be yelling at me." Alec murmured, and Magnus laughed.

"And yet, here I am, forgiving you." Magnus pressed a soft kiss to the Shadowhunter's forehead. "I love you, Alexander Lightwood. You're crazy, and too gullible for your own good, but I do love you."

Alec stared at him for a couple of seconds, before hooking his fingers through Magnus's belt loops, reeling him in and crashing their lips together full force. Any anger or heartbreak that might have remained, vanished completely as Magnus's back pressed against the sink, his front against Alec's as they kissed fiercely. He didn't care anymore that Alec had kissed a girl. In the end, he knew, Alec would always figure out what he truly wanted. _Who_ he truly wanted.

"I want you. Now." Alec whispered against Magnus's lips, who responded by yanking the Shadowhunter's shirt of his body. "Well, at least we're even now." Alec remarked dryly. Their movements were hastened as they rushed to get each other naked, and to Magnus, it felt like truly coming home. Completely bared before his lover, with his lover, together.

Together, like they belonged.

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